This day in history...

9 years ago, on this very day, a cute, silly stupid girl sat me down, held my hands, and told me that she likes me, and she wants to be my girlfriend. I of course said yes, I liked her too, but was too afraid of another bad relationship.. so never asked her myself.

What followed were almost 8 years of my life that I will never forget. All the highs, all the lows.. I always had someone special to share it with. BUt then again, like all good things, this also came to an end last year.

It was not easy for me, for her too I assume.. but that's life...I guess.

Since this morning I've been thinking, do I regret all this? Do I wish I had said no, 9 years ago, and saved us both from all this pain?

Well the short answer is no, I don't regret whatever happened, I will always remember each and every moment we spent together as the best times of my life.

There is one thing I regret.. the way we broke up, all the harsh words spoken, an 8 year friendship broken.. I wish we had done it in person, not over the phone. I wish I had got that last kiss.....

Today is when I'm sure that I have moved on, for all those memories now bring a smile on my face, not pain, not dissappointment.

wherever you are, whatever you do, I wish you, all the very best life has to offer.

So what's Your Poison?

There's a saying that everyone has atleast one vice.. one bad habit, .. a desire to do something destructive.

Think about it, there must be something you do, that you know is not in your best interest, yet you continue to do it.

Some smoke, some drink, some sniff and some inject, knowing all too well that each time they do, a part of them dies. Hell why talk so extreme, some eat, some spend money, shopping, girls, sex, cars, bikes, mobiles, accessories, everyone finds something to indulge in.

So why do it? why do we intentioanaly do things that harm us? there has to be a reason...

For me, I do a little bit of everything, and then some. My favorite poison is work.. so I started thinking, why do I work so much? what is the reason i continue to do so knowing all too well that's it's harming me?

For me its very simple, its a getaway.. from things that really matter, from things that make you think and worry and measure everything around you.

Thats the reason why a boring guy turns into an interesting drunk after a few drinks, cause now he's let go of all the crap in his head... that's what happens to me when I work, there's nothing else to think, no worries no tensions...

Anything we do is insignificant in the bigger scheme of things, but to me, the bigger picture is too big for me to handle, I'm happy looking only as far as my next step at a time.

Ask yourself .. What's your poison?

Back to Square One!

Well the ghost of wanting to setup my own business has decided to move out of my head… not that I like it this way. After months of trying, planning, going from pillar to post and endless arguments with my father.. realized it was not the right time for me to start something new.

I was always either Singhal’s son, or just some idiot who’s talking big. Had a tough time getting people double my age listen to my plans, and worse yet invest in my plans. The experience made me wiser of course, now I know who really believe in me, and who only claims so.

Living with my father was beginning to get incredibly difficult, as much as I respect him for all that he has done single handedly, I hate him for becoming so smug that he trusts no one else. It is impossible to work WITH my father, you either work FOR him or away from him, I chose to move out.

It is always very difficult to explain to people why I left such a “good life” in Goa to come back to wretched IT? But I know I had my reasons.

To be perfectly honest, this is the first time, as far as I can remember, I have done something intentionally selfish. I chose to leave my family at a tough time to live on my own, to run away from my responsibilities just so I can sleep at night.

It’s taken me a long time, but I’ve made peace with my decision. Its funny.. cause within a year I have gone from leaving my job to go back home to leaving home to get a job!

Full circle?

Boy! Am I glad to see the back of 2009 or what!!!

I mean was that year or a decade? Was it a bad horror flick or a never ending nightmare? I still don’t know.. I’m still reeling from the highs and lows…

I know it’s been a while since I posted anything here.. simply cause of my shear laziness.. well was planning to recall and post stuff chronologically.. but the thing is I realized it’s a lot more painful to relive those moments in my head!

Anyways.. I’m going to try and post some stuff… just so I can read ‘em on a rainy day and realize I’ve been through lot worse.

So stay tuned…

I want I want I want.....