Life and It's Phases...

Some may say it's a little immature or even premature for a 24 year old to talk about "life", well to me it's never too early to retrospect and reflect..

If I were to note my life's achievements, crowning glories, defeats and loses, it would be a long list of disappointments, dotted with a few genuine victories.

I have always hated whenever someone tells me 'this is just a phase it will pass', but unfortunately that's the only hope I have. For if things don't improve soon, I think I'll go mad.. like seriously clinically mad! This is most definitely the saddest I have felt for as long as I can remember. I hope, like the global economy, this is as bad as it's gonna get.

I walked around the streets of Mumbai today.. well for only about an hour, and this city and it's people never cease to amaze me. Everyone seems to be going somewhere, on their way to doing something. Everyone, right from the slum dwellers to the corporates, are motivated to doing something.. The human spirit of "Never Say Die" is alive and kicking. Seeing all this I cannot help but think, my state of mind represents the weak section of human kind, the section that's given up on everything, waiting for things to happen... rather than getting things done. This is a very incoherent state of mind, total chaos and random thoughts, much like this post!

If Darwin's law of natural selection was extended to include current times, it would be fair to say I represent the species that should not see the light of day again. The strong survive and live on, while the weak simply die out. But unfortunately our desire to multiply has been instilled in our minds so deeply, one cannot imagine a case of someone not being fit to procreate, based only on merit.

I firmly believe one should not have "a desire to settle down and have a family" as one of the quintessential goals of life. I think each one of us must make a distinction between a relationship based on love and a relationship based on convenience. Allow me to explain the two....

A relationship based on love, is a marriage of two people by choice, by their choice alone. Not based on creed, caste, financial status or religion. In short, a non-arranged marriage. These relationships are the closest to my heart. 'Cause I believe this is what God would want (if there is such an entity). I feel this is the purest form of evolution. Only the two individuals who deserve to procreate should get and opportunity. The rest should die out to make the gene pool healthier.

A relationship of convenience is not just an arranged marriage, it is also a relationship based on well .. convenience, it is a well thought of, calculated relationship. After matching qualities, religion, money, physical appearance etc... This to me is most common, and most upsetting one for me. Having a boyfriend or a girlfriend just cause you're getting old, and need to find someone to marry is wrong. The justification of such a relationship is the fear of being alone, which I think is a pessimistic way of thinking. And something as pure as a marriage of two people should not be motivated by a pessimistic thought!

But then again, this is just my opinion, as of now, who knows maybe this is just a phase and I'll grow to understand, like and indulge in a relationship of convenience myself....... I doubt it though!!!

Cliches no more..

No matter what you do, no matter where you are, on any given day you will here a few phrases a few one liners, that you may brush aside as mere cliches..

Well now I have begun to think there is more to it. My recent break up has left me a little wiser.. at least I think so!; Case in point :

Long walks on the beach.. sounds corny but it's nice, it feels good!

A lil chivalry goes a long way.. It works, try it, hold the door open for your loved ones at the next opportunity.

A boy likes a girl for who she is, a girl likes a guy for who he can be... true very true... and by extension.. A boy will never change, a girl always will...

If a girl ever asks you if you like what she is wearing, if you like her hair,the answer better be YES, and you better sound excited, and you have to mean it!!!

Remember it's always your fault, it's always you who forgot!

Guys are always possesive, girls are just concerned!! It's okay for her to ask where you are what you are doing and who you are with, but Do not ask her the same questions, 'cause then you will be labelled possesive, and it's a hard tag to get rid off!!

To love or not to Love is the question...

Well it's finally happened, it always seemed too good to be true.. i guess it was.
My girlfriend of 8 years and I have split, for good. People who've known me for a while, always wondered how a girl in her right mind could put up with me... well their amazement was justified.

I am not one to kiss and tell, so won't rant about what happened or who's fault it was, but just wanted to share with whoever is listening my opinion of how it feels to have loved and lost.
This whole business of being in love is crazy, its an addiction, a sickness, an illness, a disease, a cancer, it makes you mad, screws up your mind, makes you do stupid things, it's besides logic and common sense.. but at the end of it all, it's the best thing that can happen to you. It's a roller coaster that few get the opportunity to get on, some manage to stay on for longer than others, I couldn't take it, I barfed and was asked to get off...

I've had the time of my life, never thought I could've been this happy. Never thought I deserved her. Though there is one regret that I have, I took her too seriously, I took us to seriously, didn't realize that I wasn't giving her the space that she deserved. In a funny sadistic way, I feel like she's found her freedom now. I think now she's happier than I could've ever made her.
As for me, well, I am me.. I am my only friend and biggest enemy, most awful things that have happened to me have been my doing! I didn't lose just my girlfriend, I lost my only friend, that's what I have deal with now.. its not easy.....

Few years ago some friends asked me how it feels to be in love and I could answer.. now I think I can, It's the best feeling in the whole damn world. .. but up until you break up, then it's the worst thing in hell.

So my 2 cents on love; do it, fall in love, head over heels, but always remember, if you can fall in love, you can fall out of it too.

Knowing you've destroyed your own life is an ugly feeling....

Knowing you've destroyed someone elses life is devastating.


Tonight I find myself sitting at the beach, with tears in my eyes.. I am sorry.

For the first time in my life, I wana go back in time and live my life over, and do it differently.

For the first time in my life, I am ashamed of what I am

So long Pune… So long IT… so long 143643!

Exactly two years after I joined the Software Services giant Cognizant, I walked into the infamous H2 office in Hinjewadi, to finish up my separation formalities. It’s ironic that although I spent almost all my time in Cognizant at the ICC office, I had to come to the Hinjewadi office on the last day! I didn’t like meeting with a certain Mukund Dighe (he’s on the list of people I’d never want to meet out of office!).

Anyways, I went ahead and submitted my access and ID card to the admin, and got my first doze of dealing with life without a tag! I walked straight from admin to a door and started looking for my access card to open the door! Not a nice feeling!Met with HR and collected the coveted Service letters, two letters simply stating that I worked with Cognizant for two years, that’s what all those work hours count for!

The last few days in Pune were stranger than I expected. First off I was not used to spending time at home during working hours.. I made only special appearances in office.. 2-3 hours a day, on alternate days! I had been planning this move for a long time, so I never felt like I was going away or was going to miss anything specific. I didn’t know how to answer questions like “so how does it feel knowing you are leaving soon?” “what are you gona miss the most?” etc etc…I am touched and will forever remember the love and affection my friends showed me especially in the last few days. It was amazing… couldn’t believe I had made so many friends in Pune. I’m the first one to admit and realize that I have not been a good friend to many that have been good to me, but still to hear so many compliments and best wishes from so many people was really amazing!

I got nostalgic in the last week, and started missing people that I had not met in the last few months, friends who had left the company for further studies, gone onsite or simply parted ways. I was missing them all, for the very first time!Had a good meal with some friends before I left, Sandy also came down from Mumbai. But almost all highs in life are followed by downs… (at least my life!) got fever as I was leaving from Pune which qualified to Typhoid and then Pneumonia in the next few days.

Spent the first 10 days in Goa in bed, still a little weak, but much better.Settled back into my room, just beginning to start helping my dad and bro in their work. Cant help but feel I made an emotional decision again, and it might bite me in the ass .. again!