Memoirs…

For the past seven months or so, I’ve worn quite a few different caps, one of which was that of a Bartender. Well it’s kind of obvious that a good bartender has to do more than just pour drinks and mix cocktails.. You’ve got to look the part and talk the part just as much. So whether it’s small talk to keep the guest engaged and interested or some discussion on the differences between Indian and foreign cultures or something else… Standing behind the bar for umpteen hours talking to guests from different parts of the world, I’ve definitely heard and seen so many things that I will never ever forget.

Thought it would be a good laugh to share a few of these experiences… noting some of the most common, weirdest questions and the most memorable things I have heard…

“Are there many gay men in India?” – Believe me or not.. this was one of the most common questions! Justification.. "Well we see a lot of Indian men walking on the beach holding hands, besides it’s quite common to see 3-4 men sleep in the same room, meant for 2 people!” – I don’t know if there is any correct answer to these, just hysterical laughter!

“Which restaurant would you recommend?” – What the fuck! You’re standing in my restaurant and asking me to recommend some other place where you can have a meal? You fucking idiot!

“What is the temperature of the water?” – Sorry I don’t know.. my thermometer broke! Dude relax, you’re in Goa! The water has only one temperature, Pleasant! Just jump in for God’s sake!
“Didn't we cuddle in bed last night?” – whoa… no we did not! “Yes we did, I remember!” – err.. No that never happened! I walked you to your room, you were a little pissed, that’s it! “You liar, you were in my bed, don’t lie, why are you lieing? I liked it! Alright, never mind.. how about tonight? You free?” – No please.. I have a girlfriend… “Oh c’mon she’ll never know.. okay how about a cuddle now.. can I come behind the bar?” – Damn this was most definitely the hardest any one has tried to pick me up! Made sure I didn’t see her for the rest of the week!!!!

“So, where's the party tonight? You want to go?” – This might be a bit of a surprise, but this is a vacation for you, work for me! Can’t afford to go out and get drunk!

“Do you guys do Happy Hour?” – Every hour is a happy hour, drink up! The “Happy Hour” is the oldest trick in the book to make the guest feel he’s getting a bargain, when he is not! Charge double the rate for a cocktail, and then throw in one more for “free”.

“Full power…… 24 hour….. no shower!” – Let’s just leave this as it is…

“God made whisky man made vodka, God made grass man made Cocaine, You have beautiful legs, I deserve you!!!” – Needless to say this was a laughing riot.. a drunk American oogling at a Russian girl.. and yes she did have beautiful legs, among other things…..

“Kakushka, Pakushka, bushka, aka paka da da da davai davai!!!” – The Russians are coming! Damn man, they believe everyone around the world knows Russian! My favorite reaction if someone speaks in Russian to me, I reply in Hindi! Simple!

“Are you good in bed?” , “I can tell you are!”, “Is Dominatrix common in India?”– An Irish women, who was out on her hen night, kept talking about Indian men, and their habits in bed… at 3 AM, needless to say it was weird!!!

“Cheers!!!” – What the fuck? The most overused word by any English person. I mean come on.. there should be a limit to how many times you can say Cheers in a sentence!